How to support your child through a negative online experience
Written by UNICEF
November 20th, 2024
5 steps to respond and help support your child.
Digital technology plays a large part in many children’s lives. It opens up a world of learning, connection and entertainment. But being online also comes with risk. Children may face online bullying, harassment, see inappropriate content, or have other experiences that can leave them feeling upset, uncomfortable or scared. If your child experiences this online, here are five steps you can take to help support them.
1. Recognizing something went wrong
Not every child goes directly to their caregiver when something goes wrong. The first time some parents hear about their child having a potentially negative experience online may be from a teacher or another parent. Other parents might notice strange or inappropriate messages, comments or images on their child’s device. Don’t be upset or angry if your child doesn’t come to you straight away. They may feel embarrassed or scared about what happened, or worried about how you will react.
Try to recognize signs that your child may be worried or upset about something. You know your child best to understand when something seems off, but common signs include:
- Headaches or stomach aches
- Trouble sleeping
- Changes in appetite
- Unexplained sadness, irritability, anxiety, nervousness
- Distressed after spending time online
- Avoiding their devices or being unusually secretive about what they’re doing online
- Fear of going to school or avoiding social situations
UNICEF: How to recognize signs of distress in children
If you suspect something has happened, remind your child that they can always speak to you or another trusted adult and that you are there to support them no matter what.
2. Reassuring your child
It can be incredibly difficult as a parent to find out that your child has experienced something inappropriate or upsetting online. But remember, if you stay calm and make your child feel heard and supported, then they are more likely to open up to you both now and in the future.
Stay calm: Take a breath before responding. Your child will be watching your reaction, so try to stay calm even if you feel shocked, angry or upset.
Your first instinct might be to take away your child’s device or internet access to keep them safe, but such a response could leave them feeling punished and less likely to come to you in the future.
Listen: Give your child your full attention, listen carefully and let them explain what happened. Take your child’s concerns seriously, avoid interrupting and try not to jump to any conclusion.
If your child tells you about an app, a game, or uses an expression that you’re not familiar with, ask them to explain or show it to you. Tell them that you want to understand properly, so you can help them as best you can.
Ask open-ended questions, like: "Can you show me what happened?", “How did it make you feel?”.
Reassure: Let your child know that they did the right thing by coming to you and they are not in trouble. Reassure them that you will do your best to help.
For example: "I’m glad you told me. You are not to blame for this and I’m here to help you. Let’s figure it out together."
3. Taking action
Depending on the situation, it may simply be a case that your child needs someone to listen. If something more serious happened though, you may need to report the situation to the app it happened on, your child’s school or to the police.
Mute, block, report? Talk to your child about what action they think would help the situation. For example, whether they should mute, block or report a person.
Most social media apps, games and apps have a number of safety and reporting features to help when things go wrong. Children (and adults) can be unsure about what features are available and how they work, so explore the different options together and discuss what each would involve.
It’s also important that your child knows for the future how to report, mute or block users and content on the apps they use and any new apps they download.
Document evidence: Your first instinct might be to delete anything to do with your child’s negative experience, but if you are considering reporting the incident, then it’s important to save or screenshot any messages, images or posts that can help show what happened.
Resources: Here are reporting and safety resources on Meta apps.
The website Take it Down provides guidance on ways to remove any intimate images.
If you report an issue to a company and don’t receive a response or don’t feel that the issue has been resolved, then consider escalating the report. On Facebook and Instagram, you can check the status of your report and request an additional review of the decision where applicable. Remember that these companies have a responsibility to take children’s safety seriously.
School: If the incident involves students from your child’s school, you may need to talk to the school. Share any evidence you collected and discuss with the school authorities how they will respond in a way that does not make the situation worse for your child. Any discipline should be non-violent and focus on correcting the behavior (not humiliation or punishment).
If your child’s school has a counselor, you could also talk to them about your child’s experience to determine how best to support your child.
Police or emergency services: If you have any concern for your child’s safety, then don’t hesitate to contact the authorities or a local child protection organization that is able to provide immediate support.
4. When to get professional support
Experiencing something inappropriate or harmful can be deeply upsetting.
Continue talking to your child about how they are feeling, checking in with them but not talking directly about the incident. Support them to find other positive activities away from social media use, such as spending time with friends, reading, playing sports or practicing a musical instrument.
If you notice changes in your child’s behavior or mood that last for some time, then you should consult with a primary health care provider.
Many countries also have a special helpline that your child can call for free and talk to someone anonymously. Visit Child Helpline International or United for Global Mental Health to find help in your country.
UNICEF: When to help your teen find mental health support
5. How to help protect your child in the future
It’s not easy raising children in the digital age and a negative experience online can leave you and your child feeling apprehensive. Try to use what happened as an opportunity to check the ways to stay safe online together and reinforce the idea that you are always here to help your child navigate any challenges.
Revisit your family rules: Talk with your child about who they communicate with and how, who can see what they post online and what platforms or content they can access. Continue to remind them that their safety and well-being is your biggest concern and that they can always come to you or another trusted adult with any questions or concerns.
For younger children: Make sure that apps and games are age and developmentally appropriate for your child. Check the parental controls and settings on your internet provider and devices to block inappropriate content and limit access to certain apps or websites.
For teens: Explore together the safety settings on their favorite platforms, apps and games. Be open about any concerns you have and listen to what they have to say.
UNICEF: 10 ways to create healthy digital habits for your family
Learn more about supervision, safety and well-being on FacebookandInstagram on Family Center.
Check privacy settings:Review the privacy settings on any devices, social media, games and any other online accounts that your child accesses. Privacy settings should be set to minimize data collection and devices kept up to date with the latest software.
For younger children: Check that only friends or family can communicate with them online.
For teens: Look up together what privacy settings are available on their favorite platforms. Encourage them to regularly review and adjust these as needed.
UNICEF: Privacy checklist for parents
Learn more about privacy settings on Facebook, Instagram and Meta Horizon, and try tools like Privacy Checkup on Facebook.
Support critical thinking: Talk to your child about recognizing suspicious or harmful behavior online. Make sure they understand that everyone has the right to be treated with dignity and respect, and that discriminatory or inappropriate behavior is never acceptable.
For younger children: Explain that not everyone online is trustworthy and we should be careful about who we communicate with and what we click on. Remind them to come to you if they ever feel like something is “wrong”, so you can figure it out together.
For teens: Find ways to support their growing independence and their ability to make good decisions. Encourage them to think about what they see and share online. Ask about their experiences – if they have ever felt pressure to share personal information online or know someone who has? What would they do if they experienced problematic behavior online?
Get involved: Technology is constantly changing and as your child grows, their online activities will change too. Explore new platforms, games and apps together as a family. Discover what each one involves together, discuss relevant issues, learn new things and have fun.
Being an active part of your child’s online life not only helps them to navigate future challenges, but to make the most of every opportunity as well.
This article was developed together with UNICEF. For more expert parenting tips and guidance, visit UNICEF Parenting.
UNICEF does not endorse any company, brand, product or service.
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